Doubt

Dear Blog Diary,
“The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts, while the stupid ones are full of confidence.” - Bukowski
 
I was making dinner for my dear friend Marty, intelligent and full of confidence FYI. Real stud.
 
I love cooking pasta, linguini alle vongole that night. The double-edged sword of my cooking is that I never measure anything, and unless I’m being old school and no deviating, I improvise often. So if I make something amazing, enjoy it. It’s like a moving bullseye as your ammunition changes.
 
In this case, I almost overcooked the noodles. I enjoy the Italians but their idea of al dente, the noodles are damn near crunchy, but no one wants soggy noods.
 
Marty took one bite and enthusiastically complimented the dish. He liked it. Love that sassy tart and he is opinionated. Usually when people say they are “too honest”, it just means that they just talk shit because in reality if you were too honest, you’d praise people and build them up also. Marty is such a sweet guy but you can trust him. Pleasant and not, he’ll say it.
 
It wasn’t until I took a bite that I responded effectively:
 
“Ok. Now that I’ve tasted it and agree with you, I’ll accept your compliment.”
 
Had a laugh. One of those jokes where you say the deeper darker truth and that’s funny in and of itself.
 
The truth is, just say “thank you”.
 
I’m so easy to genuinely compliment and terrible at accepting them. You can’t rely on others to build you up, but it is nice. You have to do it yourself and the best way is to give yourself undeniable evidence that you’re worth something. That’s where real confidence comes from. Knowing yourself, keeping high standards, holding yourself accountable. If I’m the harshest critic and I’m pleased, it feels good. Feels validating.
 
Walter Payton said “when you’re good at something, you’ll tell everyone. When you’re great, they’ll tell you.”
 
The wisdom is there. Be humble. But I’ll tweak it.
 
When you’re good at something, you’ll tell yourself. When you’re great, you’ll question your greatness.
 
Doubt is not an antithesis or opposite of confidence. It’s the fuel.
 
Best,
E
#ARTiculate