Loss

Dear Blog Diary,

"Moving on is a simple thing. What it leaves behind is hard." - David Mustaine

I couldn't name one Megadeth song. It's all Metallica to me, and I know one Metallica song.

No idea what’s normal.

When I cook with pepper, I always toast the peppercorns on the stove and then grind them by hand with a pestle and mortar. The toasting gets the last bit of moisture out. I grind it by hand to control the how fine it is, plus the smell is in my top 5.

No idea what’s normal.

When I have an itch, I don’t scratch up and down. I put my hand over the itch and do a playing the piano type deal with my fingers, scratching. I never noticed until my 20s when my ex Sandy told me. Among the near infinite things to admire about her, I always liked that one. She noticed things.

I’ll talk about it. Sumo the dog. (For those unaware, I adopted a dog last year, and then I had to give him away. It completely broke my heart and honestly, hard to talk about. This is me getting it out.)

Long story short, I’m allergic to dogs. He's been part of the Fillinger family since last year. Great people. I’ve never once checked to see how he’s doing. Too painful.

Was such a good boy and so handsome. Clumsy. I imagine if I had an enormous head and big broad shoulders, I’d be too. He was so gentle though and Kuma was such a bitch to him. Princess never had to share anything in her life and here’s this stocky boy. I kept his crate towards the backdoor of my apartment in this nook that’s four steps above my main room. I put string lights above it and called it “Sumo’s loft apartment”.

He only cared about chasing a ball. We were at the park throwing and this bigger dog was fucking with him. I was worried. Kuma has the fighting spirit of a ladybug but Sumo has all the making of a full blown brute. He got low under the bigger dog, tipped it over, got on top of the dog pinning it down…and just stared. I was so proud. Just a sweet boy.

I vacuumed twice a day and took 2-3 Zyrtec. Feeling miserable became too much. Still, I held an ice pack on his nuts when he got neutered and ultimately found him a home where he's properly loved.

It's loss.

No idea what's normal. It sounds dramatic but it's been a new normal for me. Still think about him everyday.

Grind the way you wanna. Scratch the itch. Do you. Just keep going.

Best,

E

#ARTiculate