Sushi Confidential: The view from behind a sushi bar

I still haven’t watched the last episode of Parts Unknown. Can’t do it, won’t do it. Who knows.

My series ode to the great Anthony Bourdain’s Kitchen Confidential. I learned sushi from a stoic 72 year old Japanese man that I respect a great deal. So this series is my take on what’s tacky, how it is, and how to not be a schmuck. Purely my opinions and I understand that even thinking anyone might give a single fuck about them, might make me the schmuck.

Let’s start with the tackiest

“You see, I’ve been to Japan…”

Oh!! Incredible!! I’ve been to Texas!!! Doesn’t mean I know shit about being a fucking cowboy. The classic “I have a black friend” routine. Thanks for letting us know you’re down, Doug. Of course nothing can replace making the pilgrimage to Mecca, but more likely than not, you spent 6 days in Tokyo and got Kaiten zushi because it was cute. I’m sure Japanese people come here and ask “Doko desu ka???l TGI Fu-ridays!!!”

FYI, kaiten zushi is the tiny plates of sushi on the conveyer belt. The reason being that Japanese people get all of 0.3 minutes for their lunch break, so if they want sushi, they come, they grab, eat pay leave. It’s for convenience. Here, it’s just a gimmick.

“Do you have half priced sushi?”

No. Fuck no.

“May I have extra wasabi?”

I will revert back to this many times: it’s your food. Pay your tab and ideally tip your sushi bar. What do I care how you eat your food? However, unless asked to leave it out, nigiri will have a tiny bit of wasabi between the fish and rice. Just to wet your whistle. It is my belief that you paid to taste the fish, not to have the flavor overpowered by wasabi. But yes, knock yourself out.

Last one for the episode: Omotenashi

The Finnish have Sisu. We have being an asshole about politics. The Japanese have Omotenashi. Japanese people are super polite right? It’s embedded in their cultural identity. Omotenashi loosely means “to treat as a guest.” To be hospitable to everyone you meet, to be respectful, to be considerate.

So when you sit at sushi bar, remember that the person behind the board is doing their best to practice omotenashi, and if they aren’t, especially if they aren’t, practice omotenashi.

Until next time,
E