Relationships end

Dear Blog Diary,

Thats the way break ups go. You’re all sad. Mope around. Try your best to make things better. Get to the gym, spend time with loved ones, fake it. Try even harder not to make things worse. Because ohhh boy you can’t make things better but best believe that you can make things worse. But the only thing that really does do the trick…time.

You miss her. You miss her some more. And then after a while, you wake up one day and realize hmm, you don’t miss her anymore.

Then something strange happens. You miss missing her, because just like your ex, you lived with that pain for so long. Became a part of you.

All of that applies to relationships but I’m talking about a relationship I had with one ugly cunt of a bitch…tobacco.

I did dip for a while there. Wintergreen grizzly welfare bear pouches. Used to do two in my upper lip and two in my bottom lip. Looked like a chipmunk but woah did that shit hit you like Shohei Otani swinging Lucille from Walking Dead.

Ironically I do remember this was after the break up of my first girlfriend. First love haha what a mess that was. I’m cringing, and if you knew me well back then, I apologize lol.

I was on Lane Ave at OSU campus waiting for the bus. Just sitting there was a pack of Marlboro lights. I don’t recall feeling depressed like you would imagine but I do remember not caring about myself or the future. That is an entirely longer story.

No real conscious decision. I just innocently smoked one.

Make no mistake about it that smoking is cool. James dean, Tyler Durden from Fight Club, Mad Men. The reality of it is trash but it’s super boss on screen.

August 3rd 2022 marks one year since I quit smoking. And like a break up, it’s funny how I miss missing a cigarette. I do the nicotine gum so I can’t say I’m 100% in the clear. Some say it’s misleading or harsh but yeah I still call myself an addict. It’s true! Once one always one and I am. Never again, but sure I miss it.

Makes me look back at the times we shared. Seriously.

College. All the time.

During my parents’ divorce, on the front porch.

Sitting in the window of my Oregon District apartment.

Back porch at Sam’s old house when I first moved to Cinci.

OTR apartment as I would take out puppy Kuma to go potty before bed.

Norwood apartment window while Covid turned the world upside down.

North College Hill with Jemar yelling at each other over Lebron vs Jordan.

Was there through it all.

Even if they’re just fabricated memories, I vividly see snapshots of those places, cloud of smoke.

My brother keeps telling me “some day it’s going to be just me and you.”  Mom and dad gone. He tells me selfishly how he would like to enjoy the later years of life with his brother. I’m doing future Eric a great service, he says.

A lot has happened to me this year but I genuinely take the most pride in quitting smoking. I believe this is the best version of Eric yet, and I really like him.

And I truly care about the future.

Best regards,

E