Shikata ga nai, tale as old as time

Dear Blog Diary,

Shikata ga nai - "nothing can be done about it"

Did you know…my apartment is spotless damn near 95% of the time? Rarely a dish not done, counters, floors, vacuum twice a day. I always want to start cooking with a clean canvas.

Did you know…I’m a serial XYZ Night person? Tues and Fri are climbing night. Gym 6ish days a week. Chest, back, arms, legs, shoulders are my splits. Triathlon camp will start soon. Graffiti night once a week. Improv night is every Thursday. Try to meet with the chess crew once a week. Bill Maher's Real Time every Saturday morning and I LOVE Only Murders in the Building Tuesday.

Did you know…I self-sabotage because it means I'll know the outcome?

That’s really what all three are about, control.

Discipline is liberating. The clichés are true, but at times I wonder if I stay in motion because I don’t want to find more shortcomings in my life, and then I’d have to embrace them. I don’t have the discipline to control my thoughts. Fun fact, no one does. Just the macho arrogant asshole. You know.

We develop fear when we are still. We overcome fear by doing. Maybe that’s why I constantly do.

Much like the early stages of dating. Ahh, early dating is so beautiful and it sucks.

This is an entire Tedtalk worth discussion and truthfully, I don’t get excited much these days. Once a year if I’m lucky. The double-edged sword is that on the one hand I know myself better than I ever have, I know what I want and I definitely know that bullshit. So when I do get the butterflies, it’s such a rare high. The fall stings.

Then the next stage, you just know this doesn’t work out. Metaphorical romantic harakiri. Get the shovel. You get wrapped up. The tensions is fun! But the ambiguity is consuming. I’m one of those people that is actually happy alone. I’m Yojimbo the man with no name phenomenal at being alone.

The thing is, when it comes to the pretty girl, you can’t control it. You can’t even do. The more you do the more you smother and who the hell wants that?

Ultimately I have to call my own bullshit.

We develop fear when we are still. We overcome fear by doing. We make fear irrelevant when we let go.

Shikata ga nai.

E

#ARTiculate